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After losing her own mother at a young age, the stay at home mom turned marketing agency owner wasn't sure how to prioritize her needs in her early days as a mom. But when Edil's daughter was found to have a life-threatening brain tumor, Edil was forced to lean on the community around her for help and support to get through a difficult time. She shares how “it takes a village” is so much more than just a saying, and challenges us to not always stay on the "giving" side of help, reminding us of just how much we moms truly need each other.
Edil, tell us about you:
My name is Edil! I’m Filipino, born and raised in Manila, Philippines. I’m a mom to two biracial kids and we’re currently living in Rockaway Beach in New York City.
After being a stay at home mom for almost six years, I recently launched my own marketing agency and now have transitioned to 15-hour work weeks. I love traveling and going on adventures with my kids — whether that’s hopping on the ferry for a day and exploring the city, or flying twenty hours to Southeast Asia.
What does self care look like to you?
Self-care to me is slowing down, taking hot showers, watching mindless reality TV, and reading a good book.
Do you have any daily/weekly rituals that you stick to?
I just try and listen to what my body needs at any given point in time. When I’m feeling stressed, I try not to rush myself. Sometimes we feel the world is going to end if we don’t do “x” or “y.” But really, it doesn’t.
How does Matrescence’s Mission to “mother the mother” resonate with you as a mom? In your career?
As someone who lost her own mom at just 13, my journey to mothering the mother has been a tricky one. I have little memory of being mothered by my own mom. When I had my first baby, all I did was give and give and give. I didn’t know how to ask for help or receive help until January 2022.
My five year old got very sick, and they found a baseball-sized tumor in her head that was pressing on her cerebellum. We had to have emergency brain surgery within 24 hours. It was the most terrifying time in my life.
I had an 11-month old who had never been away from me for more than five hours, and I just couldn’t be in two places at once. But all of our friends and family came together to help us. Not being used to asking for help, I was forced to receive it. That was my first real experience of mothering the mother: receiving help. And I haven’t stopped ever since. Every mom needs to take “it takes a village” seriously. It’s the ONLY way.
What’s one thing you wish you’d known before becoming a mom?
I wish I knew how much it would make me want my mom with me. I didn’t know what I was in for: having to deal with both postpartum life and grief at the same time.
What has been the hardest part of your mama journey? The most rewarding?
Now that I know first hand how great a mother’s love is, the hardest part has been realizing how much of that love and support I didn’t have for most of my life,
The most rewarding part is seeing my babies become their own selves and knowing that no matter what, they’ll always be a part of me.